Halong Bay: a UNESCO World Heritage Site, one of that natural wonders of the world, a 300 million year old geological phenomenon, the “bay of descending dragons.” It is all these things. Mostly, though, it was just the object of my deepest wanderlust, having scrolled past hundreds of photos on Instagram, each one depicting a place on which I had to feast my own eyes as soon as humanly possible.
It seems like everyone is going to Vietnam these days. And rightfully so. This country has everything you could ever dream to want, from modern cities to ancient cities to mountains overflowing with rice paddies, and it earns its spot on everyone’s wish list. Halong Bay, one of the most frequented attractions in all of Vietnam, was sitting pretty at the tippy top of my bucket list, and regardless of the fact that yes, it is touristy, yes, and everyone and their goddamn mother has been there, I was unwavering in my decision to spend the night cruising across its emerald waters among the forested limestone.
Turns out, being that it is one of Vietnam’s most popular spots to visit, you can find tour deals all over the capital city of Hanoi. Just walking down any street you will find a tour shop with enormous signs outside the door advertising trips to Halong Bay, Sapa, Phong Nha, Mai Chau, plus some other places that I didn’t end up visiting and couldn’t even consider visiting because I knew I’d overwhelm myself as I am wont to do.
I booked with Fantasea Cruises through my hostel, both Halong Bay and Sapa at the same time, for about $185 total ($120 for an overnight on a junk boat on Halong Bay, including transportation to and from Hanoi, an enthusiastic tour guide, cave exploring, kayaking, lots and lots of fucking food, and a mini cooking class where we learned how to make SPRING ROLLS, THE GODLIEST OF FINGER FOODS). Not a bad deal at all, considering a decent hotel in New York City is going to cost you at least $200 for a night.
I met some American boys on my trip, both from Lancaster, PA, which is the most random thing I have ever heard of, considering that’s a little over an hour from my house and even closer to my tiny, liberal arts alma mater. They also booked through their hostel, which was way less nice than my hostel (Old Quarter View all the way), and literally paid twice what I did for both trips. I swear they were tearing up a bit when I told them how much I had paid as I cackled in their faces, as they still had another two weeks in Thailand coming up and had already spent an obscene amount on massages. LOL suckas. It pays to shop around, so don’t jump on the first deal you see.
We were retrieved in the morning from our hostel and led through the busy streets of Hanoi to the Halong Bay-bound bus. I was traveling with a girl I met at my hostel, Avalon, who fascinated me both because she was named after a Toyota and because she was shockingly well put together for someone who had been traveling nonstop for such a long-ass time. Color me impressed, Avalon, and color the boys from Lancaster impressed as well.
The bus ride was about four hours from the center of Hanoi, which brought us to the marina around midday (also had to take into account the bus stopping for half an hour at a tourist trap designed to coerce you into buying pottery and shipping it home for a mere $199!). I jumped off the bus, my heart SOARING with the knowledge that I was finally where I had wanted to be for so long. The day was grey, there were possible showers in the forecast, but nothing was going to get me down.
We boarded our boat and were given keys to our rooms, where we dropped off our things. Avalon, an older French man, and I were the only ones traveling solo, so we were put into a triple. The rooms were small but not uncomfortable, complete with an en suite bathroom, and it didn’t really matter because I wasn’t planning on spending a lot of time there, anyway.
The first order of business was to get our bellies fed. We feasted on plates and plates of papaya salad, seasoned tofu, some kind of fish common in Vietnam, and rice as we got to know the other passengers on the ship.
Our tour guide talked a little bit about Halong Bay’s history as we sat inside the cabin. The 1,500 square kilometer bay was home to its earliest inhabitants way back in 16,000 BC, when they would catch shellfish and collect fruit to survive. The bay is also the site of several naval local native battles, during which Vietnam protected itself from its neighbors, as well as a site where the United States Navy dropped mines during the Vietnam War. Several unexploded mines still remain in the bay today, which obviously poses a clear and present danger to the local fishermen. America, always doing what it can to flex its meathead military muscles.
The sun finally cracked through the clouds and we were off, sailing away through the bay, everyone spread over the deck enjoying the view. It was peaceful and relaxing and the Lancaster boys were already shirtless and pounding beers in the loungers. WOW, how I love the reminder of American male culture when I am on vacation in a foreign country, just trying to enjoy my damn self.
We reached Ti Top Island, where apparently most tourist boats stop on their cruises, with a beach where people tan and swim (I did not because it was crowded and not the cleanest), and a nearly 500 step climb to the top of the island where you can get a phenom panoramic view over the bay.
You never see all the boats in the Instagram photos, but there are a ton of them. For every one of you, trying to get your bucket list fix, there is a trillion others out doing the same exact thing. It is crowded out there, but it is still breathtaking.
We continued onward and stopped later in the afternoon for kayaking. I ended up sharing my kayak with one of the Lancaster boys, and we paddled around for about 45 minutes, getting out to explore a small cave, feeling dwarfed by the giant limestone islands, and commiserating over our shared experiences at small colleges in central Pennsylvania. We were praying not to get rained on, and it somehow held off until we were back on the junk boat. May is part of Vietnam’s rainy season, and let me tell you, that sky was menacing. I was terrified for most of the day that we’d have to take the boat back to the marina and return to Hanoi for the night because of weather issues (this is apparently not uncommon for that time of year), but MIRACULOUSLY our boat stayed put.
When we returned to the ship we were treated to our second giant meal. Look at that shrimp cocktail. How goddamn fancy.
They also had happy hour which was cute and cheap and led to post-dinner drinking games, me excitedly monologuing to a sweet German couple for 30 minutes giving tips for a cross-country American road trip that they were planning, our French roommate cheersing us with the bottom of his beer bottle insinuating our beers were having some sort of sexual encounter, to which Avalon and I exchanged a polite but uncomfortable glance, and one very drunk Lancaster boy. At one point he was lamenting his lack of photography skills to the French man, unable to understand why his point-and-shoot was not turning out pictures as well as the French man’s DSLR that was roughly the size of a large baby. The crew stopped serving at 10pm, probably to lessen the chances of someone stumbling overboard into the black abyss that is Halong Bay at night.
I secretly reveled in the cloak of beer-induced stupor as I laid down in bed cozily between my two bunkmates, because it made me forget (somewhat) about the GIANT FVCKING COCKROACH that I found scuttling around in my toiletry bag, probably doing gross, dirty, cockroach things. My contacts remained firmly in my eyeballs that night because I could not risk getting anywhere near that guy. Roaches and I have a seriously tenuous relationship after they made a home in my Arizona apartment three years ago, and I really doubt that we will ever be amicable. YES, if you decide not to spring for a luxury Halong Bay cruise, it is very possible that you will be sleeping amongst the cockroaches. I saw three of them while on board, which isn’t too bad considering some of the other horror stories I’ve heard. Just keep your bags zipped tight.
The next morning we (and my incredibly dry eyeballs) were greeted with another huge spread of food for breakfast as we headed back towards land. We stopped on the way at Hang Sung Sot, the Cave of Surprises, a three-chambered cave that is another popular tourist stop and honestly really beautiful. Nothing will compare to the grandeur of Phong Nha Cave in Phong Nha-Ke Bang National Park, but it was nice to see some more caves on this trip, and if you can’t make it to Phong Nha this is a decent alternative. Vietnam’s got CAVES, baby, and you’d be silly to miss ’em.
Back on the ship we were taught, very briefly, how to make spring rolls, which, regardless of the fact that I already knew how to make spring rolls, was probably the best part of my day because I love spring rolls and I cannot believe it took me 25 years to realize it.
Around noon we docked and said our good byes to Halong Bay. Years of waiting to finally sail it, and my time there was already gone.
A confession: Halong Bay was not the highlight of my time in Vietnam. I was fully expecting it to be, naively telling everyone it was what I was most excited for. The glassy green water, the towering limestone islands, the feeling of the cool breeze in my hair as I spent some time completely off the grid…it was nice. Don’t get me wrong. It was the most relaxing part of my entire trip, which mostly consisted of walking with all of my belongings strapped to my back as sweat dripped down my ass, peeing in holes in the ground, and sleeping on greasy overnight trains that left me with gigantic zits in the middle of my forehead when I awoke. Glamorous!
I don’t want to say Halong Bay is overrated. It is great. It is worth it. Sometimes the things that you build up the most, the things that you most look forward to, are never going to quite live up to the hype, no matter how incredible your experience.
I am glad that I got a good deal and that I didn’t have to suffer the despair of the Lancaster boys’ mistake. I am glad that I survived the cockroaches. But more than anything I am really, truly glad that I was able to cross this famous and beautiful natural wonder off my seemingly endless bucket list, and I am glad for the kind souls I got to meet while there.
