Poland is one of the more random countries I’ve had the pleasure of visiting. It was never really on my wish list, my knowledge about what it has to offer was lacking — except, of course, that it produced the girlfriend of the guy my best friend was in love with and who I therefore had to hate. It was conveniently located along my route during a short stint in Eastern Europe, and it was supposedly pretty inexpensive to eat, sleep, and explore there, so I put my feelings aside about a certain man-stealing Polish girl and packed my wallet with zloty.
Did I have high expectations for Poland? HECK NO! Was I absolutely blown away by its breathtaking beauty, its rich and sordid history, its friendly and welcoming residents, and its orgasm-inducing local foods?? HECK YES! (Just a few of the many reasons why Poland should be your next destination).
Warsaw, Poland was my last stop before heading back to America, and I was determined to eat my way through as many pierogis as possible before I had to board my plane. I had never had a pierogi before going to Poland and I probably had more in a week there than I will have combined for the rest of my life. I think I ate more pierogis than all the people I was traveling with combined. Pierogis, my little love bugs. It was a brief but delicious affair of gluttony and starch.
Most of the images people see of Warsaw are of its Old Town, its central point and the hot spot for tourists. The Old Town is beautiful and popping with color, but it is also literally swarming with tourists. I know, tourists are awful. Everyone should stop touring the world except for me, please and thank you. You all are RUINING ALL MY PHOTOS.
Just kidding. Mostly.
For those overwhelmed by the loud noises and the fanny packs flocking to Plac Zamkowy, here is a walking tour to some local spots around Warsaw (spots that are not frequented by pesky tourists, who are definitely way more annoying than you or I as tourists, for sure). So strap on your walking shoes and empty your stomachs because you’re in for a tasty afternoon.
Afera na Szpitalnej: vodka, pickles, and pierogis
What better way to start a food tour than by throwing back a shot of the region’s favorite liquor?? This little sports bar is the perfect place for vodka, as they have a wide variety of flavors to tickle your fancy. I am the worst shot-taker in the universe (pretty sure the last time I was able to take a shot without barfing it back into my mouth afterwards was when I was 17 years old), but when in Poland, as they say (is that what they say?). The Poles often have a pickle spear with their vodka shot, which works okay to help it go down easier, if you’re brave enough.
To keep yourself from vomiting (and yes, maybe I’m being dramatic because I know plenty of people who are able to drink vodka like grown adults), order pierogis. Ours were filled with meat and topped with sautéed onions. The bar makes them themselves in-house and they are no exception to the Polish-pierogis-are-fvcking-amazing-and-you-need-to-eat-them-at-every-opportunity rule I discovered during my travels.
Bar Mleczny Bambino: borscht
Milk bars in Poland are a type of cafeteria restaurant that became widespread in the early 1900s after people began copying the business model of the early successes. You can find them all over Poland, but Bambino is a little bit more typical and old-school. You won’t find English-speakers here, and certainly not a lot of tourists, but you will find cheap, authentic food. This is how the locals do dining, and it is nice to have a meal or two avoiding some of the more touristy restaurants with touristy prices.
One dish to try here after your pierogi appetizer is chłodnik, or cold beetroot soup, a type of borscht. This soup is a Polish summer staple, which makes sense when you think about the fact that Poland harvests over 300,000 tons of beetroot per year. That’s a hell of a lot of beetroot and you can find it in a lot of dishes over there, especially served alongside duck (if you are feeling hungry on Castle Square, be sure to go to Literatka and order the duck. Castle Square is about 1.2 miles from this food tour).
Zapiexy Luxosowe: zapiekanki and Oranżada
Zapiekanka is one of everyone’s favorite Polish dishes. It is like a pizza, with melted cheese and other toppings, like mushrooms and onion, served over a toasted baguette. This tasty snack originated as street food that was popularized after the fall of the Soviet Union and after Communist restrictions on private business were loosened a bit. Zapiexy Luxusowe epitomizes “fast food;” it is very popular and quick, allowing you to take your zapiekanka on the go. Also be sure to grab a cup of oranżada to wash it down, a sweet orange soft drink that came to Poland from France in the 1700s and is a Polish favorite.
Cukiernia Pawłowicz: Pączki
Ah yes, now here comes the good part. Dessert. If you wander down the street a bit you’ll see a long, excitable queue outside of Cukiernia Pawłowicz, famous in the city as having some of the best pączki, or Polish donuts. Despite the fact that there is a line full of people hungry to get their hands on one of these at all times of the day, the line moves quickly and you won’t have to wait long.
The pączki is always fresh and they are inexpensive like everything else. The most traditional pączki is the one topped with almonds and filled with rose jam. Good until the last, sweet bite!
Specjały Regionalne: sękacz
Right down the street from Cukiernia Pawłowicz is Specjały Regionalne, a restaurant with plentiful choices if you’re feeling a little bit peckish at this point in your tour, which is probably unlikely after all you’ve had so far but I don’t know you. My boyfriend inhaled 30 pieces of sushi last night without batting an eye so I get there are some real freaks out there.
While you’re here, you definitely must try this restaurant’s traditional tree cake, or sękacz. It is of Polish and Lithuanian origin, having become popular during the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth, and is made with butter and lots and lots of eggs (I am telling you lots. As in 40), then spun around on a spit inside of an oven to give it a tree-like appearance. It is thick and it tastes like waffle and it is a must. It’s okay to have two desserts just this one time (and FRANKLY, whenever the heck you feel like it).
Piw Paw: lots and lots of Polish beer
Ah, yes. Finally. Your bellies are full and you’re tired of walking and you have a better idea of the delights that Polish cuisine has to offer your tastebuds. You’ve earned a nightcap (or five). Piw Paw is a favorite place to go among locals and visitors because of its artsy atmosphere, wallpaper and lampshades made entirely of bottle caps, and its selection of hundreds of beer, almost 60 of those on tap. That is an enormous number of beers. It is overwhelming. There are local craft beers as well as beers from international breweries, and the bartenders are always willing to help you figure out which is right for you. I personally loved the strawberry stout. Try and see how many beers you can try before you pass out, or until you’re hungry again for more pierogis.
Polish cuisine shares a lot of similarities with other Slavic countries, like the Czech Republic and Lithuania. If you like hearty dishes, this is the region for you. If you like meat and cheese and donuts, this is the country for you. And if you don’t eat meat, keep in mind spinach pierogis are a little slice of heaven on Earth.
Have you ever been to Poland? Did you enjoy the food as much as I did? What was your favorite restaurant in Warsaw? I’d love to know!
